ESRB gives its unintentionally hilarious verdict on Mass Effect 2
The ESRB has given Mass Effect 2 a ‘Mature’ rating, and the verdict gives us a glimpse of what will be in the game. You are warned, though – spoilers are ahead, but so is a strangely funny verdict and discussion of the game, one that seems obsessed with the future setting.
“Players must assemble a team of henchmen” we are told. Henchmen? We’re not playing a Bond villain here. You wouldn’t call Wrex that to his face. “At its core, the game involves … ground-based space battle” which sounds confusing at best, and outside of the realms of known physics at worst.
The sexual politics of Mass Effect 2 are also explored, with the ESRB noting that “players may enter a bar where alien pole dancing exists” which is an odd way of phrasing it. Can you also enter a hospital where patient healing exists?
You might also hear suggestive dialog like “‘krogan sexual deviants enjoy salarian flexibility’ and ‘if this is just about sex, maybe you should just f**king say so.’ [Italics added]”. Why they’ve added italics to Krogan and Salarian and not ‘sexual deviants’ is a mystery, as is where the capital letters from the two races are. Do you think Krogans and Salrians are lesser beings? Well, maybe the Krogan are.
Best of all, though, is the description of sexual cutscenes, including propping partners on top of a “space console”, short glimpses of gyrating humans or aliens before cutting away to “space furniture and ceilings”, and there could be the unzipping of a “future-blouse”. Why does the ESRB think we’ll have amended ‘space’ or ‘future’ to everything years from now? Surely a toilet can just be a toilet, and not a space toilet – which sounds both cold and uncomfortable.
There is also information on the game’s violence, which weighed heavily towards its ‘Mature’ rating. Head shots will spray out notable amounts of blood, enemies “lie stagnant in pools of blood” and can be shattered, and it would appear that someone gets shot in the leg during a cutscene.
Mass Effect 2 is being developed by Bioware and will be published by EA. It is releasing on January 26, 2010 in North America.
Source: ESRB
