Saints Row IV: Hail to the Awesome Weapons

By: Louis Edwards

Print Friendly


Saints Row IV will be released upon the masses next Tuesday (our review), but we have a sneak peak at a few of the awesome weapons you will have at your disposal. We have them fully upgraded of course.

Check out images of them, and a video of them in action, after the jump.


How much fun could a game be if it doesn’t have some interesting, fun, and very useful weapons? We aren’t talking about a dildo bat here, but we are talking about several of the highly destructive, very deadly, and very effective special weapons. We will give you a sneak peak in images first, and then let you see them in action below. Enjoy.

Incinerators can be huge and cumbersome to carry around. You need some sort of fuel to keep it running. You will probably need a big brick box of some sort to throw items in. What if you could do all that without the need for a full on furnace? Allow us to introduce you to the Disintegrator. A fully self contained, fully effective disintegrating machine. If you can afford the optional upgrades, you will be prepared to eliminate any and all foes that stand in your way of total domination.


The Disintegrator

Have you ever felt the desire to just remove a bunch of items from your world with the pull of a trigger? Are you looking for a way to eliminate useless waste in a small area at once? If so, have we got a weapon for you. New to our stores next week is the quick acting, super effective, Singularity Gun. It will create a black hole that lasts just long enough to suck up all of the trash (or other items) nearby and send them into oblivion.

Singularity Gun

Singularity Gun

Next, on page three of our catalog, is a nice little weapon that will gently, and ever so quietly, lift your opponents into the air and send them along their merry way. Is it a safe alternative for public transportation? Definitely not, but it can get rid of anyone you don’t want hanging around you. Check out one of our greatest inventions, the Abduction Gun.

The Abduction Gun

The Abduction Gun

Now, you are probably asking yourself, “How could this awesome arms dealer possibly top an Abduction Gun?”

Aww, but wait, there’s more.

We haven’t even shown you our pièce de résistance. The best of the best. The weapon of choice of all great leaders and Third Street Saints. It is a weapon that will not only take out your opponents, but will literally have them dancing in the streets and they will happily dance themselves to death. But that’s not all. Cars will bounce to the rhythm and beats of the infamous, the overwhelming, the oh so incredible AND SUPER AWESOME Dubstep Gun!!!!

Sorry. I always get exited when I talk about this awesome piece of equipment. It comes in three awesome flavors. The always dependable default model, the super effective Industrial model, and our top seller, the super exclusive Pop Star model. Save your pennies and cache for all of the upgrades cuz this is a weapon you just got to have.

The Dubstep Gun

The Dubstep Gun

Still not convinced? Even after all of that crap I just said? Maybe I should have just let you see them in action. Aww well, I’ve got nothing but time.

Saints Row IV: Hail to the Awesome Weapons

Convinced now?

Good. Now give me your money.


%d bloggers like this: